Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hokianga: February-March 2000 (Poem)

From Cloudfire and a Bowl of Kauri Leaves. Because I haven't posted a poem in bit. All the same rules apply: feedback, etc.

* * * *

Hokianga: February-March 2000

crimson-honey sky
across the Hokianga*
crimson-honey tide
but no waka to pierce
the bay’s narrow hips

*

crimson-honey sand
across the Hokianga
crimson-honey sky
but only one cumulus
to lick the bay’s narrow tongue

*

crimson-honey night
across the Hokianga
two harvest moons
walk empty shores
lap cups of crimson-honey tea

* * * *

*If you enlarge that map, you'll see Opononi and Omapere near the coastal edge of the harbor. The flat I lived in was---probably still is---somewhere between the two towns.

5 comments:

  1. Gorgeous and sensual in all the right ways, as always.

    But I wished for full patterning across the stanzas, something like "but only one moon..." in the third stanza, or even, "and two moons...." I wanted that third conjunction.

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  2. .

    This could be expanded into a beautiful picture book.

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  3. Duly noted, Luisa. I agree and have stripped the final stanza of both moons, like so:

    crimson honey night
    across the Hokianga
    but no moon
    to pace/walk empty shores
    lap/sip crimson honey tea

    Further suggestions re: word choice?

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  4. Well, I prefer "walk" and "sip."

    And Th. is right: this would make a stunning picture book--a perfect bedtime read-aloud. You should get right on that.

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  5. Isn't he always, though?

    Maybe someday it will happen...

    ReplyDelete